The inspiration for this piece came to me in a dream of a time past. My heart was breaking for that which I have lost. That I could bend time, and bring back a cycle of sadness. That I could trade tears for joy.
I see a small heart. The smallest of small. So quickly does a small heart fill with pain, and sorrow. How long will the hurt stay? Is it forever? Will she ever heal, and mend? Is her heart broken?
I see a large heart. This one is filled with love and passion. As the heart has grown, is there still space for the wounds? They seem to disappear, yet at times they return. Where do they go? When will they leave forever? Is this heart also broken?
We suffer as we grow, and all of the lessons of humanity become absorbed by our heart. My questions remain. Who has the answer?
We must resist sadness before we are overcome.
We must integrate. Therefor we embrace all emotions, including the lowest–rage, hate, and regret.
We must forgive.
These lessons I have been told, yet none remove the heaviness from the small heart, or the large one. The memory and the sadness linger still, alongside the joy, and alongside the gratitude. Why do we remember? Can we forget the errors of the past and yet retain all of the happy times? Must we keep both, and have they become embedded into our bodies, our minds, and our souls forever? Will we take all of it with us, as we fly to paradise–from this world into the next?
Each day we rise, we pick up our pieces, and we carry on into illusion and chaos. We yearn for the art of discernment. Yet, as we see the truth emerge, do we not now fear that this is another untruth? How many layers of truth will we traverse? How many veils will we lift? Where does it end?
The tiny heart still bleeds. It still waits for a return to a time before the time. The small one weeps, and her eyes tell me the story of her pain. Her agony becomes mine. In an unending act of love, empathy, and compassion we share the wounds of humanity. I can not take them away, so instead I stand by her side, feel her pain, cry with her, rise up, pick up her pieces, and carry on.
With great love,
Are you okay? The last two readings are so sad and scary.
Beautifully written and powerful too….trials and sadness …challenges that seem overwhelming are part of all our lives…but as you suggest, we can’t let them stop us..we are called to put our trust in God and carry on to the next day ..with hope and faith